My Journey
Where I Have Been
Memories of my childhood are few, being a highly sensitive child I couldn’t really cope with the world and so spent most of my time disconnected from it. We moved around a lot so I was never able to form close connections with my environment or the people around me. People described me as shy and weird and other children didn’t like that. I always felt happier and more myself in nature than I did around people, but I remember caring deeply about everyone. Now I know that I was always truly loved and cared for, but at the time I didn’t understand that. This misunderstanding was exaggerated because my coping strategy was to disconnect from everything. So I grew up and formed ‘issues’.
At the age of eleven I began to find out how humanity treated animals with disrespect, cruelty and misunderstanding. At the age of twelve I became vegetarian, at the age of fourteen I was so angry with humanity and the way we treated (and still do treat) the earth, nature and each other that I wanted to kill off the whole human race! This anger set me off on a journey of discovery. Along the way I experienced trauma, joy and everything in between. Deep down I believed I was worthless and sometimes my behaviour reflected this. Occasionally I hurt others, although that was never my intention. I met lots of lovely people from all walks of life and, although some of them did things that were not lovely, I discovered that all humans no matter what their story is or where they come from, have a beautiful soul.
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As I grew up, my love of nature continued and I spent more and more time alone outdoors. However, I also began to rekindle my love of humanity and myself too.
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Society seemed completely alien to me and I struggled with severe depressive episodes, sometime being unable to get out of bed. These continued until the age of 37 when I finally accepted the world (and myself) as it is.
A great deal of my inner strength has come from becoming a Mother, then a single Mother, then the Mother of a child with severe depression and anxiety who needed full time care. Although it hasn't been easy, being a mother has always been a joy.
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Through all my hard and easy times, I have always known that I was being supported and guided by what I call All, even when I couldn't see it. Deep in my heart I retained the memory of what it feels like to be One. I have also always known that I had what I call Soul Friends, but didn’t fully understand what that meant. It wasn't until about the age of 39 that I began consciously developing my relationship with them.
Where I am Now - April 2023
Now approaching 51, I am still learning from being the Mother of a young adult who (despite a few continuing issues) is more aware than most people I meet. My wonderful partner (Eric) is on his own journey of discovery, and when our journeys meet soul magic happens.
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I sometimes struggle, my life is still a journey which can be uncomfortable at times, my consciousness is still shifting and evolving, but it is all truly worth it. And in absolute honesty, I am grateful for everything that has ever happened in my life and would not change a single thing.
My love of nature, humanity, myself and everything else continues to grow. I see beauty in darkness and light in everyone’s hearts. There is love and joy in my heart when I wake everyday and, although it sometimes gets covered by fear, I always have access to it.
Some recent realisations have led me to understand that part of my journey in awakening to heart consciousness is opening my heart and sharing. And that what I have to offer is an expression of my soul.
The friendship I have with All and my Soul Friends is always evolving. I am aware of who I really am, and who you really are and I love you.
